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WOMEN - 10 things Women Absolutely Love to Have






Article by ektajalan


Women are a question mark to a lot of men. Men never understood what a woman actually wants. This is may be because women do not express their desires openly. They simply expect their partner to understand them and their wishes. But I think, some men do not have any hint of what is going on in a girl’s mind and what exactly they expect from others. Here are some things that women would love to have and never say NO to.

10. Conversation:

Conversation
Women love to have a decent conversation once in a while. It is not true that women love to talk all the time. They do not like chattering always. There are only few exceptions to this. These days, almost all the ladies are working and do not have time to waste for extra gossips and unnecessary talks. Instead, these days, women are a part of intellectual talks. But a conversation with a woman is only way to connect to her. A women love to know that you consider her the person to share your sorrows and happiness with. They expect this from their partner, and when this happens, there is nothing more they want.

9. Surprises:

Surprise,_Surprise
Women love to have surprises once in a while. Once a month, while you go home, do something for your wife and she will love you more. A surprise does not necessarily mean that you should buy here pearls all the time. When she comes from work, make dinner for her. This will be a lovely surprise for a woman and a relief that she will not have to cook as always. You may buy flowers if cooking is too much for you. Buy the favorite flowers for you better half and she will be in love with you again. Surprises can be very little things that you may do to make her happy. Even if you iron your shirt yourself, this will be a good surprise for her.

8. A ride after work:

ride-after-work

Women absolutely love to have some arrangement made so that they do not have to drive to home after work. After a very hectic day, women do not really feel like driving home. They can drive to work in the morning without complaints but after work, they wish to have a break and not struggle on the road to reach home. If someone drops them up home, this makes their day. Some of the women take a taxi home instead of driving themselves when they are really tired after work. When asked to taxi drivers. A survey suggested that the number of female customers in a taxi after work hours is more than thrice the number of male passengers after working shifts. This suggests that women love to have a break for themselves after work. This does not show their lack of strength or do not convey their stamina. It is just that driving is something that they do not feel like doing, unlike men, who are crazy for speed and wheels.

7. Morning coffee in bed:

morning-coffee
Women love to have a cup of coffee in the morning in the bed. They never like to make their morning coffee themselves. They always wish that someone wakes them up with a cup of coffee in their hands. While they in their teens, usually they have this habit of having coffee served as the first thing in the morning because their mothers take care of this thing. But when they are on their own, they hate to make coffee. They do not hate to cook; all they want is just a coffee for them not made by themselves. But this never happens. They have to do this on their own, instead make coffee for their partners, if they live with one. The same goes with those women who drink tea instead of coffee. They always wish that someone would make their tea and wake them up later with a cup of tea in his hands.

6. Chocolates and sweets:

chocolate-for-women
Women usually crave for chocolates and sweets. They just love to have them. They keep buying chocolates for themselves and also keep asking their partners to buy them those. They just love to eat sweets and chocolates. When someone brings sweets for them as a surprise, they would love that person for this. Chocolates, candies and sweets are things that would turn them on. They just cannot live without them. They might not keep a stock of bread in the home but would always keep a stock of these in their room. Sometimes men think of women as childish because of their craving for chocolates.

5. Compliment:

compliment
Who does not love to have one? Compliment are those that would make a women blush. Having a compliment is like succeeding for a woman. Not only the compliments for her looks are enough, a woman loves to be appreciated about everything, from her work, her job, her cooking, her clothes, her choice of furniture, her plans, her gifts, etc. They will do lot of things for their friends, their boyfriend, their parents, their husband, their kids and their siblings. They will cook whatever you ask them, they will take care of everyone and their wishes; they will never forget the birthday dates and never forget to buy the best gift by taking care of all the desires and demands. In return, all they desire is getting a nice appreciation. All they want in return of everything is that they work is being noticed and liked by all.

4. Makeup and beauty products:

Kosmetik Artikel
This is true for majority of women. Not all the women will agree to this point but most of them will. A woman just love to get ready. They love to look beautiful and attractive. It is not because they want to get noticed; but because usually a woman loves herself and loves to look at herself in the mirror. When a woman looks at herself in the mirror, she knows that applying make-up will make her look more beautiful. She knows that using beauty products will let her keep this beauty forever. They do this for themselves and not for anyone else. Sometimes, they do it for the boyfriend or the husband as well. But mainly, it is for the sake of her eyes, for when she looks at herself in the mirror, she should have a sparkle in the eye appreciating her own beauty.

3. Shopping:

shopping
Do I need to explain this? I think everyone on this planet is aware of the fact that women are shopaholic. Since the day a girl starts understanding how to do shopping, there is looking back. The girls will go for shopping for clothes, furniture, accessories and food products. They just love to buy stuff, in the desired color, in the desired shape, in the desires size, etc. The accessories for ladies are unlimited and infinite number of accessories is found in the world. Woman may buy a dress and along with it, it she will buy suitable shoes, suitable hair band, matching head band, the contrasting belt, contrasting ribbon, necessary make up and what not. For the interior, they will buy a bed sheet and along with it, they would want a complementing cushions and matching covers, matching curtains, contrasting sofa covers, and matching floor carpet.

2. Jewelry:

jewelry
Ornaments and jewels are the love of a woman’s life. The gold, platinum and silver are the dreams of a girl. The diamonds and precious stones are something they are proud of possessing. They love to wear the jewels, precious stones and precious metals like gold and silver. Ruby, Emerald, diamonds, pearls etc. are some possessions that a woman always love to have and love to wear. They feel a lot for sophisticated by owning and wearing the jewelry. Their love for the jewels never die or reduce with the age, in fact grows or remains the same but never decline.

1. Clothes:

clothes
No matter how many clothes they have in their wardrobe, there is always a color missing or always a pattern that they do not own. They love having a lot of clothes. Women in every country have the habit of wearing new every day. A woman would get upset by seeing someone else wearing the same design that she herself is wearing or have in her wardrobe. Clothes are very dear to a woman. It is the identity for them. They take care of their fashion and clothes more than they take care of their health. They try to look the best and appreciate every compliment. They cannot bear to look a little less than their colleagues. Even if they travel somewhere for a week, they would carry clothes as if they were travelling for a month. No one has been able to understand their love for clothes ever.

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MIRACLE STORIES - My Life Is A Consistent Flow Of Little Miracles






by miracles


No matter how much money I make or don’t make, God has always been there. I have [had many miracles happen to me,] but, in the end, this one stands out….

I was working for a pretty big company and had managed to get a DUI without losing my job. Of course, I still drank. After I was convicted, I drove drunk one night and ran off the road and totaled my truck. 2 cop cars were sitting right there watching the whole thing. I failed all the sobriety tests and was about to go to jail for a second DUI in less than 1 year. That’s 30 days and no license for a year in Georgia.

As they are getting ready to cuff me, a woman walks up and says that she knows me and that she can take me home. She was a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a long long time. As a third cop car is pulling up, they all agree to let her take me home and remove my truck the next day. No ticket. Nothing.
I told her I had prayed to God to save me after I crashed. She said she was told 30 minutes before the crash to sit in the parking lot and wait. She saw me crash. She knew what to do next.

Prayer doesn’t matter. God had taken care of the situation 30 minutes before my prayer.

God is in control, whether I know it or not.

Now my life is a consistent flow of little miracles. I don’t have to pray anymore. I just live out who and what I am. Good or bad is not relevant. Morals do not matter. I’ve done more good by being bad and have been given more good things when I am supposedly at my worst.

I’ve gotten raises by simply being myself and not being afraid to do things that may seem wrong to some but are right for me.

God matters. I matter. You matter. Amazing stuff that I don’t really deserve on paper…but I am so much the better person for it.

Amen

This miracle story was submitted by “R.C.” from GA

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HUMAN BRAIN - 10 Facts About Memory






By Kendra Cherry
About.com








10 Facts About Memory



Our memory helps make us who we are. From fondly recollecting childhood events to remembering where we left our keys, memory plays a vital role in every aspect of our lives. It provides us with a sense of self and makes up our continual experience of life.

It's easy to think of memory as a mental filing cabinet, storing away bits of information until we need them. In reality, it is a remarkably complex process that involves numerous parts of the brain. Memories can be vivid and long-lasting, but they are also susceptible to inaccuracies and forgetting.

Continue reading to learn more about some of the most interesting aspects of human memory.

1.  The Hippocampus Plays an Important Role In Memory


The hippocampus is a region of the brain that is heavily associated with memory. 
Because of bilateral symmetry in the brain, both hemispheres contain a hippocampus.


The hippocampus is a horse-shoe shaped area of the brain that plays an important role in consolidating information from short-term memory into long-term memory. It is part of the limbic system, a system associated with emotions and long-term memories. The hippocampus is involved in such complex processes as forming, organizing, and storing memories.
Because both sides of the brain are symmetrical, the hippocampus can be found in both hemispheres. If one side of the hippocampus is damaged or destroyed, memory function will remain nearly normal as long as the other side is undamaged.
Damage to both sides of the hippocampus can impede the ability to form new memories, known as anterograde amnesia.
Functioning of the hippocampus can also decline with age. By the time people reach their 80s, they may have lost as much as 20 percent of the nerve connections in the hippocampus. While not all older adults exhibit this neuron loss, those who do show decreased performance on memory tests.

2.  Most Short-Term Memories Are Quickly Forgotten

Most short-term memories only last 20 to 30 seconds.


The total capacity of short-term memory is fairly limited. Experts believe that you can hold approximately seven items in short-term memory for about 20 to 30 seconds. This capacity can be stretched somewhat by using memory strategies such as chunking, which involves grouping related information into smaller "chunks."
In a famous paper published in 1956, psychologist George Miller suggested that the capacity of short-term memory for storing a list of items was somewhere between five and nine. Today, many memory experts believe that the true capacity of short-term memory is probably closer to the number four.
See this in action for yourself by trying out this short-term memory experiment. Spend two minutes memorizing a random list of words, then get a blank piece of paper and try to write down as many of the words that you can remember.


3.  Being Tested On Information Actually Helps You Remember It Better
While it may seem like studying and rehearsing information is the best way to ensure that you will remember it, researchers have found that being tested on information is actually one of the best ways to improve recall.
One experiment found that students who studied and were then tested had better long-term recall of the materials, even on information that was not covered by the tests. Students who had extra time to study but were not tested had significantly lower recall of the materials.


4.  You Can Learn to Improve Your Memory

Do you ever feel like you are constantly forgetting things or misplacing objects that you use every day? Have you ever found yourself walking into a room only to realize that you can't remember why you went in there in the first place? While it might seem like you are doomed to simply tolerate these daily annoyances, researchers have found that you can learn how to improve your memory.
A 2005 cover story in the Monitor on Psychology summarized research revealing a number of useful strategies to deal with mild memory loss. These techniques include:
·         Utilizing technology to keep track of information. Tools such as hand-held mobile devices and online reminder calendars can help people keep track of appointments and other important dates. Using a reminder app on your phone can be a handy way to stay on top of important dates and events.


·         Taking a "mental picture" can help. Systematically trying to make a mental note of things you often forget (such as where you left your car keys) can help you remember things better. The next time you set your keys down somewhere, take a moment to mentally note where you left them as well as the other objects that were nearby. If you think to yourself "I left my keys by my wallet on the desk," you'll probably find it easier to recall the information later.

·         Use memorization techniques. Rehearsing information, employing mnemonics, and other memorization strategies are perhaps the best ways to overcome minor memory problems. By learning how to use these strategies effectively, you can sidestep the faulty areas of your memory and train your brain to function in new ways.



5.  There Are Four Major Reasons Why You Forget Things

Forgetting can occur for many reasons, including interference from other memories.

In order to combat forgetfulness, it is important to understand some of the major reasons whywe forget things. Elizabeth Loftus, one of the world's most renowned experts on human memory, has identified four major reasons why forgetting occurs. One of the most common explanations is a simple failure to retrieve the information from memory. This often occurs when memories are rarely accessed, causing them to decay over time.
Another common cause of forgetting is interference, which occurs when some memories compete with other memories. For example, imagine that a woman just started a new school year as an elementary school teacher. She spends some time learning the names of each of her students, but over the course of the year she finds herself constantly calling one particular girl by the wrong name. Why? Because the girl's older sister was in the same class the year before, and the two look remarkably similar. It is the memory of the older sister that makes it so difficult to recall the younger student's name.
Other causes of forgetting include failing to store the information in memory in the first place, or even intentionally trying to forget things associated with a troubling or traumatic event.

6.  Depictions of Amnesia in Movies Are Usually Inaccurate
Amnesia is a common plot device in the movies, but these depictions are often wildly inaccurate. For example, how often have you seen a fictional character lose their memory due to a bump on the head only to have their memories magically restored after suffering a second knock to the skull?
There are two different types of amnesia:
·         Anterograde amnesia: Involves the loss of the ability to form new memories.


·         Retrograde amnesia: Involves losing the ability to recollect past memories, although the ability to create new memories may remain intact.
While most movie depictions of amnesia involve retrograde amnesia, anterograde amnesia is actually far more common. The most famous case of anterograde amnesia was a patient known in the literature as H.M. In 1953, he had brain surgery to help stop the seizures caused by his severe epilepsy. The surgery involved the removal of both hippocampi, the regions of the brain strongly associated with memory. As a result, H.M. was no longer able to form any new long-term memories.
Popular movies and television programs tend to depict such memory loss as fairly common, but true cases of complete amnesia about one's past and identity are actually quite rare.
Some of the most common causes of amnesia include:
·         Trauma: A physical trauma, such as a car accident, can cause the victim to lose specific memories of the event itself. Emotional trauma, such as being a victim of childhood sexual abuse, can cause the individual to lose memories of specific situations.


·         Drugs: Certain medications can be used to cause temporary amnesia, particularly during medical procedures. Once the drugs wear off, the individual's memory returns to normal functioning.

Films Containing Depictions of Amnesia

·         Robocop (1987)
·         Regarding Henry (1991)
·         The English Patient (1996)
·         Memento (2001)
·         The Bourne Identity
·         50 First Dates (2004)
·         Finding Nemo (2003)

The science blog Neurophilosophy points out two fairly recent films that contain fairly accurate depictions of amnesia: Memento and Finding Nemo.

7.  Scent Can Be a Powerful Memory Trigger

Have you ever noticed that a particular scent can bring forth a rush of vivid memories? The smell of cookies baking might remind you of spending time at your grandmother's house when you were a small child. The scent of a particular perfume might remind you of a romantic partner with whom your relationship ended on a sour note.
Why does smell seem to act as such a powerful memory trigger?
First, the olfactory nerve is located very close to the amygdala, the area of the brain that is connected to the experience of emotion as well as emotional memory. In addition, the olfactory nerve is very close to the hippocampus, which is associated with memory as you learned earlier in this article.
The actual ability to smell is highly linked to memory. Research has shown that when areas of the brain connected to memory are damaged, the ability to identify smells is actually impaired. In order to identify a scent, you must remember when you have smelled it before and then connect it to visual information that occurred at the same time. According to some research, studying information in the presence of an odor actually increases the vividness and intensity of that remembered information when you smell that odor again.

8.  New Brain Connections Are Created Every Time You Form a Memory

Diagram of a synapse.


Researchers have long believed that changes in brain neurons are associated with the formation of memories. Today, most experts believe that memory creation is associated with the strengthening of existing connections or the growth of new connections between
neurons.

The connections between nerve cells are known as synapses, and they allow information carried in the form of nerve impulses to travel from one neuron to the next. In the human brain, there are trillions of synapses forming a complex and flexible network that allows us to feel, behave, and think. It is the changes in the synaptic connections in areas of the brain such as the cerebral cortex and hippocampus that is associated with the learning and retention of new information.
In one study conducted at the New York School of Medicine, researchers were able to observe synapse formation in the brains of genetically engineered mice. What they discovered was that in young mice, the tiny protrusions that sometimes develop into longer spines on the receiving end of neurons grew at a rapid rate. This growth rate coincided with the rapid development of the visual cortex. While a large number of these tiny protrusions eventually faded with age, many did continue their formation into fully-fledged spines.
Lead researcher Wen-Biao Gan explained in an interview with the science websiteWhyFiles.org, "Our idea was that you actually don't need to make many new synapses and get rid of old ones when you learn, memorize. You just need to modify the strength of the preexisting synapses for short-term learning and memory. However, it's likely that few synapses are made or eliminated to achieve long-term memory."
Clearly, maintaining a healthy brain and synapses is critical. Deterioration of synapses due to diseases or neurotoxins is associated with cognitive problems, memory loss, changes in mood, and other alterations in brain function.
So what can you do to strengthen your synapses?
·         Avoid stress: Research has found that extended exposure to stress can actually interfere with neurotransmitter function. Other studies have found that stress shrinks neurons in the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus.


·         Avoid drugs, alcohol, and other neurotoxins: Drug use and excessive alcohol consumption have been linked to synaptic deterioration. Exposure to dangerous chemicals such as heavy metals and pesticides can also cause synaptic loss.


·         Get Plenty of Exercise: Regular physical activity helps improve oxygenation of the brain, which is vital for synaptic formation and growth.


·         Stimulate your brain: You've probably heard the old adage "Use it or lose it." Well, it turns out there's a lot of truth to that when it comes to memory. Researchers have found that elderly adults who engage in mentally stimulating activities are less likely to develop dementia and people with higher educational statuses tend to have more synaptic connections in the brain.


9.  A Good Night's Sleep May Improve Your Memory

You have probably heard about many of the reasons to get a good night's sleep. Since the 1960s, researchers have noted the important connection between sleep and memory. In one classic experiment conducted in 1994, researchers found that depriving participants of sleep impaired their ability to improve performance on a line identification task.
In addition to aiding in memory, sleep also plays and essential role in learning new information. In one study, researchers found that depriving students of sleep after learning a new skill significantly decreased memory of that skill up to three days later.
Researchers have found, however, that sleep's influence on procedural memory is much stronger than it is for declarative memory. Procedural memories are those that involve motor and perceptual skills, while declarative memories are those that involve the memorization of facts.
"If you're going to be tested on 72 irregular French verbs tomorrow, you might as well stay up late and cram," explained Robert Stickgold, a psychiatry professor at Harvard Medical School, in an article published in the APA's Monitor on Psychology. "But if they're going to throw a curveball at you and ask you to explain the differences between the French Revolution and the Industrial Revolution, you're better off having gotten some sleep."

10.  Memory Failure in Old-Age Might Not Be Inevitable
While Alzheimer's disease and other age-related memory problems affect many older adults, the loss of memory during old-age might not inevitable. Certain abilities do tend to decline with age, but researchers have found that individuals in their 70s often perform just as well on many cognitive tests as do those in their 20s. Some types of memory even increase with age.
While researchers are still working to understand why exactly some elderly adults manage to maintain an excellent memory while other struggle, a few factors have been implicated so far. First, many experts believe that there is a genetic component to memory retention during old age. Secondly, lifestyle choices are also believed to play an important role.
"I think it's a nature-nurture interaction, in large part," Dr. Bruce S. McEwen, a professor at Rockefeller University in New York, explained to The New York Times. "'A genetic vulnerability increases the likelihood that experience will have an effect."
So what are some steps you can take to stave of the negative effects of aging?
According to one decade-long study, having a strong sense of self-efficacy has been associated with maintaining good memory abilities during old age. Self-efficacy refers to the sense of control that people have over their own lives and destiny. This strong sense of self-efficacy has also been linked to lowered stress levels. As mentioned previously, high levels of chronic stress have been connected to deterioration in the memory centers of the brain.
While there is no simple "quick fix" for ensuring that your memory stays intact as you age, researchers believe that avoiding stress, leading an active lifestyle, and remaining mentally engaged are important ways to decrease your risk of memory loss.
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PEOPLE - Why are we so afraid of being wrong, even when faced with facts?






By Simon Tam

The Kathryn Schulz talk, "On being wrong," recently reminded me a University of Michigan study on cognitive dissonance. 

The Boston globe wrote: "Most of us like to believe that our opinions have been formed over time by careful, rational consideration of facts and ideas, and that the decisions based on those opinions, therefore, have the ring of soundness and intelligence. In reality, we often base our opinions on our beliefs, which can have an uneasy relationship with facts..."

Talk of the Nation on NPR stated: "We'd like to believe that most of what we know is accurate and that if presented with facts to prove we're wrong, we would sheepishly accept the truth and change our views accordingly...that's not what happens, that we base our opinions on beliefs and when presented with contradictory facts, we adhere to our original belief even more strongly."

After being involved with political activism for over a decade, I've seen this behavior over and over again (often times in myself). It seems even more persistent online (just look at many of the TED debates here), perhaps because of the level of separation or anonymity that the internet provides.

Why do you think we're so afraid of being wrong, even if we're presented with data that challenges our notions? Why do as people lose our ability to reason when threatened with the possibility that a belief might be wrong (whether it is in politics, religion, science, or even opinions on pop culture)? How can we avoid this behavior?

  • Jan 28 2012: You are absolutely right about valuable info on that person. Approximately a month ago a news release concerning meetings presented that we lose brain cells and initative by attending staff meetings. Years ago I attended a Rand think tank. Input was from sublime to ridculous, we shared highs and lows, every thought was recorded. There was no leader and no followers. I have often thought of that awsome experience and how to replicate that in business. When the boss / chair come into the room all minds go to the company his/her line. However, just prior to his arrival many good ideas are discussed never to be voiced again. Maybe King Authur had it right .. a round table. Maybe the boss / chair needs a devils advocate to feed him/her options and brain storm without fear. Net Flix serves as the perfect example of no lower input to the executive decision. That one really bad decision almost brought down a company with a really bright future. Maybe fear to tell the boss was present at that meeting. The fear of being wrong was certainly a player.
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      Jan 28 2012: Unfortunately, the fear of being wrong, stifles a lot of possibilities and opportunities. Ken Robinson addresses this issue in his TED talks relating to children in our educational systems.
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    Jan 28 2012: It is a philosophical question is in order, since, that the accuracy of the attributes of science, and if we suspect the accuracy of the science, we suspect in the science itself.

    but the success of science pays doubt about it, and science is a product of the mind, and mind dictates that it devloppe the sciences using the suspicion.

    but, in my opinion, the human unit is integrated with the universe, and his mind is more integrated, for this reason, the mind is the first to follow.

    On this basis, we have to ask: Why doubt the mind, and why his production work, retaining of doubt.?
    I think that is on the way of unification. because the most important, is the natural integration of all things, within the known universe.
    thank you :)
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    Jan 28 2012: We like to believe a lot of things about us and of course it doesn't mean they are all true .

    We are afraid of being wrong because I think we don't know too much of what's that mean to be right . When we'll start to reason and accept the critiques and answer them logically if we can we'll surely start having an idea of what's that mean to be right .

    So why are we afraid os being wrong? Because we are wrong.
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    Jan 28 2012: Please can you site the UOM study?
    In my mind cognitive dissonance has to do with actions and values so not sure what opinions have to do with it.
    Thanks
    Oh and I have been wrong so often and for so long that I do not fear it at all....
    Thats the secret. You have to experience it regularly and often to get over the fear.
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    Jan 28 2012: I once did a paper on Death of a Salesman and the Prof stated that I was wrong and needed to reevaluate my critical reading skills. I stated that he was not dead but reborn into a new life. The Prof pointed out that the title stated "DEATH". We are often given the opportunity to choose either the Lady or the Tiger. By doing so in our academic enrivonment we are either hero or goat. Our society is geared to preparing youth for the industrial / military complex. Thinking outside of the box is encouraged in limited circles. For all of the rest of us stay within the box. Being unconventional will get you labeled. Politicians promise what the audience wants to hear even though we do, or should, know that it is not within their power to deliver. Being wrong will get you sent to the back of the line, reduce your GPA and make you less likely to participate in the future. General Patton stated, "All the world loves a winner, but will not tolerate a loser." Being wrong equates being a loser. Hard to name anyone who comes in second.

    Being wrong should be a learning experience to build on not a scar to heal. And that in my opinion why we hate to be wrong.
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      Jan 28 2012: I agree Robert, that with many "lessons" of society, we are taught that being wrong equates to being a loser, so we will fight for our right without question or pause and be willing to stick to our "right" no matter what. As with your example of an analysis of the play "Death of a Salesman", there are many times when a theory, thought, feeling, idea, opinion or perception is neither right or wrong...it is simply an idea. When a person needs to label another person "wrong" for an idea/perception, the one who labels, lacks confidence and security in him/her "self". Rather than being upset with that person, I recognize it as valuable information about that person.
  • Jan 27 2012: Hi,

    Research tells us.:The nature of fear is survival... The amygdala fires up the same brain regions when We are in a life/death situation and when our beliefs are challenged.

    So. if that information is true. the brain' just has to be right in order to survive........

    that's some conclusion :D
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      Jan 27 2012: I agree Yuri, that sometimes, when one is attached to his/herself being "right", the very idea that someone may challenge his/her ideas with another idea, concept, thought, feeling or perception, may feel like a personal attack. If a person is not secure enough in him/her "self", it may feel like an act of survival to prove the "rightness" of his/her idea.
      • Jan 28 2012: Hi Colleen..

        Yes. That's why "Knowing yourself goes far deeper than the adoption of a set of ideas or beliefs" - Eckhart Tolle.
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          Jan 28 2012: Again I agree with you and Eckhart Tolle Yuri:>)

          Knowing our "self" may start with the adoption of ideas and beliefs, and when/if we hold on to those ideas and beliefs as the only "right" ideas and beliefs, without further exploration, we deny ourselves the opportunity to discover information on another level in ourselves.

          As you say in your first post here...
          "Research tells us.:The nature of fear is survival... The amygdala fires up the same brain regions when We are in a life/death situation and when our beliefs are challenged".

          If that research is accurate, which I believe it is, it may feel threatening to a person to even explore different ideas/beliefs in him/her "self", which may contribute to the fear of being wrong.
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    Jan 23 2012: I would argue that the fear of being wrong is no different than the fear of loss.

    We invest time, money and effort acting in accordance with our own world view, (whatever it may be, whether it is rational or not) and when someone confronts us with the idea that we may be wrong, we have in fact been confronted with the idea that we have wasted time, money, effort etc. The more we have invested, the more we have to lose; the more we have to lose the greater the fear.

    I would argue that we act rationally in the defend of those false beliefs because we are acting in our best interest. Ironic, no?

    Once the fear sets in, it becomes fight or flight. Perhaps flight may be expressed as the denial of an idea's existence and fight may be expressed as blatant opposition against an idea. If we choose to fight it becomes the more we have invested the less likely we are to yield.
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      Jan 23 2012: Great observation!

      I haven't heard of the idea of loss (other than loss of pride); I think it's a great point and perhaps we innately feel a bit of shame with that loss.
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    Jan 22 2012: I have a theory about this, because I am not afraid to be wrong, and many of the people I associate with also have this advantage.

    We're allowed to be wrong -- and equally allowed to go out on "eccentric" limbs -- because we're perceived to be 'different'. It's all part of this same phenomenon in (Western - can't speak about elsewhere) society. (And by "allowed" I mean "by society and those around us", obviously.)

    It's what I refer to as "the genius licence" and it's about that peculiar leeway people are willing to give those they place in this category -- whether it is about artistic or a more mundane usage. It spans personal foibles, career/business choices, even conversations (my friends are perfectly used to the idea that - as Marshall McLuhan put it, "I don't necessarily agree with everything I say," because sometimes I am just exploring the opposite side of something, looking for holes in my own position).

    And it seems to boil down to faith.

    Faith that this person will eventually figure it out and get it right. And, of course, that allows the other to feel that they are not tied to or defined by what they say or do.

    And I'd love to be able to give this experience of life to others, if only I could figure out how. It's a matter of living without schadenfreude or even mocking when something is off, and I do not know whether it is because people who are petty in those ways tend to self-select themselves out or whether they are there but make these peculiar exceptions.

    And that's not to say I have never been mocked -- an instance one that springs to mind was when I explained past imperfect by my shorthand "wuzzing and whirring" ('was ___ing' and 'were ___ing') in French class and heard a derisive snort when the teacher disagreed, though it's a little weird to be mocked for being wrong when you're right. But since that was almost 30 years ago, it clearly doesn't happen all that often.
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      Jan 25 2012: Great response, but, are we allowed to say what we think and go out on eccentric limbs, because of our genius? Or, does our genius emerge, from continuously saying exactly what we think, and going out on eccentric limbs? Is genius a choice?

      More importantly, is it the very specific choice to always assume, that everything you believe... might be wrong?
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        Jan 27 2012: I suspect the factors play off each other.

        Some of it is innate - inclined to just be "quirky", some of it is reaching and finding no boundary, continuing to reach further. Other people's responses really are telling and can influence you.

        My earliest memories involve either surprise from other people in response to something I would do, or being weirded out by (what I thought was) excessive praise. Somewhere early along the line I started looking for the shocked response.

        I have a memory of reading the TV Guide with my dad and picking out "University Today" from the listings, sounding it out in my head and then announcing it to him and being very pleased with myself because even though he only said, "That's right, but it's on too early, " I could tell it had floored him. I couldn't have been much more than three, because my sister wasn't born yet and given the room we were in (we moved quite a bit as my parents established themselves). So already by then, there was the challenge of eliciting "the response".

        And then on the other hand, I recall being in grade one, standing in the school yard, surrounded by sixth graders quizzing me from their spelling book, and thinking alternately, "This is ridiculously easy," (I distinctly remember someone asking me to spell the word 'important' and thinking that) and "Why me? When can I go play?"

        By the next time we moved I had learned not to be an oddity.

        And saying what I am thinking is not always a good thing. Worse still when it's because my brain had jumped five sentences ahead and left my mouth to finish the one it's working on, apparently with only the help of my subconscious. There have been some really bad moments of accidental honesty as a result, usually only noted when the body language of the person I am talking to shifts (this is also how I know that I am nowhere on the autistic spectrum, because I can detect that shift just fine).

        Anyway, I guess what I am saying is it's a big mixed bag.
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          Jan 27 2012: Interesting... When I hear "I had learned not to be an oddity"... I think "That's tragic. Why would anyone want to be anything, but odd? Is there really anything desirable about normallity?"

          I think Neil De Grasse Tyson put it best when he said "If I go a day without being proven wrong or discovering my own ignorance.... If I go one day without marveling at how incompetent I was the day before... Then I'm not doing my job as someone on the cutting edge of science" (paraphrased)

          I'm proud of when I've expressed thoughts that make other people squirm, because humanity isn't a uniform race... We're a billion niche markets... If you're uncomfortable around someone who says the wrong thing in social situations... Then, you're not in my niche market.

          I'd rather say what I'm thinking, and experience an honest reaction... Than hide what I'm thinking, and learn nothing. I'd rather be wrong than boring.

          That is each individuals choice of course, and it is a delicate balancing act, when you factor in the fact that happiness tends to arise from positive social interactions. Negative social interactions don't have to contribute to unhappiness however... You can just ignore them and move on... If you so desire.
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        Jan 27 2012: Oh, I didn't say that I learned not to be odd, just not "an oddity". An oddity gathers a cluster of onlookers; then you end up with that weird internal tug-of-war between enjoying the attention and wanting to go do something more interesting.

        I am wrong all the damned time. All day long, in fact. Sometimes it's a matter of experimentation, sometimes it's just a bad idea that I had and acted on. (I find other people's responses to those things the most amusing.)

        "I'd rather say what I'm thinking, and experience an honest reaction... Than hide what I'm thinking, and learn nothing. I'd rather be wrong than boring."

        Yeah. There's this thing called "tact" that I am well-noted for being short in. Even online, where I really don't have the luxury of that excuse that I just let my subconscious finish the sentence for me, so probably I have just gotten so used to that horrified response that I really just don't care anymore.

        My friends joke about my seeming inability to distinguish between "brain words" and "mouth words". Apparently the sentence "The average person is an idiot" should have been "brain words". (Though seriously, I cannot be the only person to have ever thought that.) TIL.

        I am very often wrong about the list of potential responses to what I am about to say. ;-)
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      Jan 28 2012: QUOTE: "I have a theory about this, because I am not afraid to be wrong, and many of the people I associate with also have this advantage. ... We're allowed to be wrong -- and equally allowed to go out on "eccentric" limbs -- because we're perceived to be 'different'. It's all part of this same phenomenon in (Western - can't speak about elsewhere) society. (And by "allowed" I mean "by society and those around us", obviously.)"

      In "Eastern culture" it's not okay to be wrong - it results in a loss of face - and folks will do almost anything to avoid making a mistake, or appear to not know. As a result, not a lot gets done unless someone "gives an order;" getting a "straight answer" is next to impossible; and innovation almost never happens.

      One facet of the training I do here, in China, is encourage people to "try things" - ideas, processes, strategies, and so on - and to celebrate the mistakes.

      In our company, we literally applaud when someone makes a mistake.

      It's quite effective.

      Our little company is already well known for its service, personnel, and culture.

      And "the bosses" - that would be my wife and I - can go away for a time and the company will not only function well in our absence, it will grow and thrive. This is virtually unheard of in China ... normally when "the boss" leaves nothing will happen until he gets back. (Almost all bosses are men with very few exceptions.)

      People think we are "BIG" because of our level of service and professionalism. We only employ 13 people. For now.
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        Jan 28 2012: Out of curiosity, are there certain people who ARE allowed to take risks and make the decisions?
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          Jan 28 2012: Everyone is expected to ... ah ... do you mean in China or in our little company?

          In our company, everyone is expected to take risks and make decisions. Major decision making is collaborative. (I almost never make the decisions.)

          While we were away for the Christmas and Western New Year's holidays (that are not celebrated in China) the folks we "left behind," hired two new people, and made what was, for them, a major financial commitment on behalf of the company.

          Again, this is HUGE in China ... employees here just do not do that kind of thing ... but it is exactly what I have been training them to do.

          My goal is to make myself obsolete.
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        Jan 28 2012: I meant China in general. But that is great about your business.

        What would happen if you had to let someone go, though? How would they fare elsewhere?
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          Jan 28 2012: We haven't actually looked at the hiring numbers but we think we're batting .500. We fire about one out of every two people we hire. Usually we just do not extend their employment agreement past the initial three month probation period everyone must go through.

          The reason we usually let them go is precisely because they would probably do better in a traditional Chinese company.

          And for the others - the ones who stay?

          I think they would do well in any company. They might not like working in a command and control environment but they could do it. And, with the skills they pick up with us, they might even excel.
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    Jan 22 2012: Kathryn Schulz t, the TED speaker that this discussion is linked to, believes that we are conditioned to become "perfectionists" and to be right from birth through the education system; that we as people tend to view people who are wrong as ignorant, perhaps malevolent...

    It's interesting to see how in all studies, the more people realized that they are wrong, the harder they fight for their point of view despite being shown an overwhelming about of evidence and data
  • Jan 22 2012: I'm not sure what makes us fear being wrong exactly. I would assume it's different points for each individual. Some might hold power by being 'right' and when they're challenged on such statements they make which they believe to be correct, it's destabilising. It changes the situation and could make others think, "He's been wrong about this, what else are they wrong about?". In the worst case scenario, it's very damaging to the persons credibility, they lose power and control. Something which I believe quite a lot of people like to strive for.

    It could even be down to fear. Sometimes even when there's a great amount of evidence refuting a belief, someone might still hold onto it because they fear the consequences of losing such a belief. A Popular example would be those who have loved ones who go missing. Despite being told that it's highly likely that they're dead, they still hold onto the belief that they could still be alive. I think sometimes believing you're right, even when there's evidence against it provides comfort and security.

    I think in either scenario I've mentioned there seems to be a common theme which is stability and control. I think it's a natural resistance to change. I think sometimes, it's easier to believe in comforting lies than it is to change to see reality as it is.
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    Jan 22 2012: As society grows increasingly materialistic (universally) it is also departing from its fundamental requirement to live honestly, humbly, openly.

    By materialistically, I am implying that we seek to have not only more items, the latest etc., but also to hold onto what we claim to know. Whilst we may claim to know, we mainly only know 'about'.

    The more enlightened we become, the less complicated our lives become, as living egoistically, we like to show what we (pretend) to know, we like to have knowledge, but a lack of humility keeps us at times, distant from the light of truth and humility.

    Lies, pretense, and anxiety are all related to the effort in living our life as 'a person.' God says " I am no respecter of persons"

    Living our life as a person, causes us to save face and defend our ego with a lie and denial, along with further anxious pretenses. Living a life identifying as a person breeds anxieties, and all that goes with pretending to be what we are not, and along with this is the need protect this person i e: the Ego.

    So perhaps sadly enough, admitting to being ignorant is too drastic for the ego to consider. Therefore defending one's claim to being Right in the face of the truth claiming otherwise is perhaps but another example of the manifestation of Ignorance. Ignorance is always to blame, not the person, so we may end with Compassion towards the individual claiming ' a person-hood.'

    Patrick McCarthy
    • Jan 22 2012: Patrick said: "Ignorance is always to blame, not the person, so we may end with Compassion towards the individual claiming 'a person-hood'"

      Well said Patrick. When we have a truth, and we have proof of that truth, and it is collaborated by science and professionals, and we try to help someone see this truth, and they refuse...they are blinded to the truth, then we are left with "compassion" for that individual. How beautifully stated. That is a healthy way to respondl when what we perceive as truth is rejected by others.

      I was reminded of an article written by a nurse who cares for Alzheimers victims. She stated; "You have to hate the disease, not the patient". I have taken those words, and they have helped me to treat people with more compassion. We just don't know why some individuals react the way they do to information. We cannot get into their head, or [edit] see the seed of motivation, their figurative heart.

      Thank you Patrick. I agreed with everything you stated above.

      Mary
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      Jan 28 2012: Hey Patrick,

      I was with you up until the "God says ... " part.

      The part after that was pretty good too.

      Not that I expect it to make a whit of difference, but I think it is the height of hubris for a "human" to speak to other humans on behalf of "God."

      Now, if God personally spoke - to me - I would be quite justified in saying, "God said...."

      And, of course, this is were it becomes problematic. "God did say it to me," we say, "I read it in 'God's Word,' therefore, we can justifiably say, 'God said ...'"

      Or, we say, "God spoke to me 'in my heart' or 'through the Holy Spirit,'" and so on.

      But which book is "God's Word?"

      The Bible? (Which one?)

      The Qur'an?

      The Vedas?

      The Book of Mormon?

      And why would God say one thing to one heart (say,Martin Luther's) and another thing to another heart (say, Pope Leo X's)?

      Sport?

      Very problematic indeed.
  • Jan 22 2012: Pride.

    Also, and this is just an opinion, some are a bit skeptic about what others tell them. They take things with a grain of salt.

    It is very difficult to think that someone really has our best interest at heart.

    It is easy to think, especially on-line, that they have some hidden agenda, don't you agree?
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    Jan 21 2012: Afraid of "losing face" and a lack of humility.

Source: TED Conferences, LLC

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